Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Upward and 'Growth'-ward

As of today, I'm taking another step upward and 'growth'-ward!
I will NOT apologize for speaking out and speaking my truth. I will NOT follow in the footsteps of my so called family and keep silent any longer. I've been put out there as the black sheep, and sat back and played the role, as I was raised to do. Well NO MORE!! We've all heard of diseases referred to as 'The Silent Killer', well SILENCE is the silent killer in families (usually referred to as 'secret-keeping' if you know about codependency). If you have family 'issues', (as a very wise man told me quite recently), you get them out in the open, deal with them, and be done with it.....and the sooner the better.
This issue with my SISTER and HER daughters, whom I now PROUDLY claim as my VERY own, has to come out in the open. I'm sick and tired of being held up as the 'example' of WHAT NOT to be as a sister, daughter, mother, or as they would have everyone believe, even as a human being. I am very very proud of who I am, and what I stand for. It has been a more than difficult road, but one I believe in and stand by.
Her daughters left her. (Daughters who, btw, were moved out for TWO YEARS prior to coming to live with me). The reasonable, mature next step would have been to work with her kids and at the VERY least, maintain some semblance of a relationship with them. They left for very very good reason, yet...it's ALL my fault. Yes, I supported and still support those girls. I also had to financially support them the best I could because their mother and step father, and father, would not pay one cent toward their care, and they took them off of their medical benefits and totally disowned them - both! All because these so called 'parent's' were afraid their dirty laundry would be aired. So abandon your own child - no, I mean CHILDREN - to seemingly save face? I will not remain silent anymore. If things had been the other way around, the ONLY place I'd have wanted my kids to go would be with my sister! Obviously, with hind sight being what it is, that would have been a HUGE mistake! All the knowledge and so called 'higher' education that those girls' mother has obtained, and she can't even see, or rather, ...face, her own responsibility in what happened. A woman who grew up seeing the severe dysfunction in her family and rather than work to make improvements so the vicious cycle doesn't continue, has chosen to perpetuate that dysfunctional lifestyle, and to even take it several steps 'worse'. How a woman can live with herself and not have any contact with such talented, wonderful children, is so beyond me, it's incomprehensible!! Then there's their (in name only) 'Grandmother' - who is the QUEEN OF DENIAL, and is the very essence of fake and phoney, who knows all the in's and out's of putting on a 'show', and 'act' that all the members of this 'family' seem to embrace, all the while unaware of what fools they make of themselves and what others are really thinking and saying behind their backs - convincing themselves it is 'her' (me) that is the fool. That family seems to have such a deep-seated need to look better than everyone else, with their self-righteous attitudes and behaviours, without the slightest level of humility and compassion - AND MEMORY OF BEING A TEENAGER THEMSELVES - that they will work and fight to maintain this phoney front, through to their very own demise if need be (and apparently so far, they feel it 'need be'). The dysfunctional need to 'control' and 'own' everything your child(ren) does is highly damaging, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, ....physically!! There is NEVER a reason to abandon your children and not be there for them....and no excuse whatsoever for it to still be going on more than 7 years later!! This has been my life. And they wonder why I 'rebelled', and finally turned my back! I learned. I have lived my life to understand how people, MOST ESPECIALLY FAMILY, could treat others that way WHY would you want to. Back-stabbing, gossiping, ...all detrimental to the family as a unit, but ultimately to themselves! I learned, I studied, and had to make hard choices and decisions in my own life, and I've worked VERY HARD to instill a very different attitude etc in my children. Openness, honesty, communication, and LOVE - my children knowing that no matter what they do, I'll NEVER ABANDON THEM! Those 'sad' and evil realities need to be brought out in the open and not allowed to continue. It is abuse, and abuse is a 4 letter word around our home and is in the 'ZERO TOLERANCE' zone - as it should be in any home, work-place, school, etc. My concerns are not for my family of origin, because they have blatantly, and from a highly educated and knowledgeable perspective, chosen their paths. Well I have chosen mine - a long time ago, and I'm taking it to the next level today.
My wish is for others to realize that it is time - time to come out of hiding - time to speak up and make a difference, and not allow this maniacal behaviour to exist any longer. It has ruined the lives of generations of people who didn't know how to change 'what' they were living. I'm 50 years old! I figured it out today. Speak up! You never know just who you could be helping. Everyone's story is different, but if we all tell our 'realities', we can see how they're all the same, and from there change and growth can begin.

May blessings of abundance in all that comes from truth, goodness, and light, find their way to you... 



Friday, February 10, 2012

IT'S TIME!


I decided today that after almost 22 years ago after overcoming insurmountable odds, having broken both feet, and my back, then being told I would never walk again, that it was time to bring that determination back to the surface!! The day finally came, that I had to make the transfer from my bed to my wheel chair beside my hospital bed that I'd just gotten out of for the first time after my fall. That day that I hurt and cried so hard, and felt so hopeless; that day that I was so distraught that my mother had to feed me my lunch, and was so encouraging to me while I wept like a baby while trying to eat....THAT DAY, I decided that this was NOT me and I WOULD walk again. I would not live my life confined to that wheel chair. 
I know how determination, positive thinking, holding that ever loving Energy deep within me and gripping with all my might, and keeping the faith (along with a TON of perseverance) how it truly does bring us miracles!  And I'm doing it again! By choosing to be surrounded by my most positive family and friends, I can do this again. I know I can overcome these aches and pains, both physical and emotional ! (or at the very least, not let this Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue take control of me and destroy the quality of every aspect of my entire life !) 
I have been directed to people who are a blessing to me, when they don't even realize it; a taxi driver at work; a comment from a loved one; a feeling of support from someone I barely know; It's the solution. They are my solution. My solution to my problems, no matter what they are, are ALWAYS there. I work very hard everyday to have open eyes . I've learned that when my hands were overflowing with allowing myself to literally hold on to, and accept the many forms of abuse that I've had to deal with in my life, and by not 'letting go and letting God', I didn't have ANY room for the flow of the loving energy that my body, my home, and my children so dearly needed. 
I thank God, that everlasting flow of perfect loving energy, for always being with me. My God does not judge me. (He) supports me; he lifts me up and carries me, when I think I've gone as far as I can. And when I realize that I have this awesome 'Power" within me, it is not only intensely humbling, but intensely EMPOWERING! But when I bury my head in the sand and literally half drown in my 'pond' of self pity, I don't see. I've worked very hard over the years 'to see', and be more aware of the goodness in my life, and what is there just by simply asking, and now.. it's time to APPLY my lessons, and experiences to anyone that needs my help, including myself.  It's time to let that determination out and see just exactly what I can do with it.  I have too much that I've been missing - especially my family (and pool, of course  LOLOLOLOL)
It's TIME!!


May blessings of abundance in all that comes from truth, goodness, and light, find their way to you... 



Monday, April 4, 2011

Friends, Family - What's the Difference?

We've all heard the expression 'Friends and Family'.   I used to think that - really, what is the difference? I also wondered about the expression 'You can't pick your family, but you CAN pick your friends'.  Hmmm, that's true, but so obvious.  I could never figure out why it was such a big deal that someone had to make a saying out of it - - - a saying that has stuck!  and used all the time.

But I've learned.  There are hard lessons in life and there are not so hard ones.  I guess that's somewhat negative.  Let me turn that around.  There are lessons in life that we learn quite readily, and then there are lessons that we tend to find ourselves repeating several times just to get it to sink in....  still a bit negative isn't it.  Well, I've learned that you can't pick your family.  That's pretty easy.  I understand now why the phrase came into being.  It's not one that some people may really think about either, if they have a fairly good connection going on within their family unit.  Then there's the friends.  I know I've been in the position where I thought that your friends were who were in your life; that they more or less picked you, and not the other way around.  I've learned that lesson too.  Several lessons have been taken on this course.  I think I've finally passed.  I've graduated to the next level in both "Family of Origin" and "Choosing Real Friends".

Families are made up of many personalities, traits, characteristics, issues.... the list is endless.  Here's a typical scenario: parents have children, children go to school, children become teenagers - providing parents with the 'normal' teenage difficulties, children go to college, parents celebrate, children get married, children have children, parents become grandparents... and all the normal expected ups and downs occur in between, but eventually become resolved in due time.  Then there are the families who hit a brick wall at some point, and issues don't get resolved, communication becomes stunted, and family members end up rejected, shunned, and many times ridiculed - the black sheep - because they choose not to follow the 'sick' maladjusted family dynamic over which they have no control. 

This sadly, is the plight and outcome of the dysfunctional family where members chose not to help themselves, where they could rise above the literal horrors that are occurring before their very eyes.  Instead, they carry on with life as if nothing is wrong, or try to act as if, and tell themselves (and anyone who they can get to believe their stories) that what's wrong is a result of some power beyond their control.  They of course, paint themselves in a picture of 'The Victim'.  Their own lies become their truth; they believe their own stories to the point that they forget what the actual truth really is.  Is this something that we must live with? or Is this a situation that we pull away from, guilt-ridden, heartbroken; feeling dejected and hopeless, as if we ourselves are the reason the family is in such chaos, often times being told so to our very faces?  Or do we stay, hoping that some day someone will be able to see through your eyes and be willing and able to say 'Enough is enough'? In the meantime, the abuse continues.  And there's one more option, stay, and nothing changes, including the pain and misery that you feel, which can leave you open to a greater chance of depression (if you aren't there already), and any number of opportunities to develop your own 'cocktail' of issues and possibly mental health disorders?

Friends, on the other hand, aren't forced on us; ( although if we have a 'friend' that is controlling and manipulative that you haven't been able to shake, this may not feel like it applies!).  The word 'friend' implies 'disposable', whereas the word 'family' implies 'permanence'.  Let's considered another option.  When we think of the words themselves, FAMILY and FRIENDS in a positive context, what do we get? 

Here are some words that I chose from an online thesaurus from the words 'family' and 'friends'.  You see if you can pick out which ones fits into which category.
  • kinship, clan, circle, connection, companion, mate, folks, tranquil, traditional, haven, confident, humanity, village, intimate, honey bunch, side kick, angel, apple of one's eye, light of my life, supporter, protector, white knight, guide, birds of a feather, close friend, homelike, member, friend more divine than all divinities, tower of strength, safety net, sweetie, morale boosters, mentor, darling......                                                         
As you can see, it would be difficult to have to make each word fit under only one category or the other.  Some of the words above that seem as if they are definitely Family, aren't.  Some of the words above that seem as if they are definitely Friends, aren't.

If you are suffering within your circle of friends or family, it's time to step back and think about your own self-preservation.  Life is meant to be enjoyed in whatever way you feel lead to follow.  Look for the positive, enjoyable and empowering relationships that make you feel good.  You will need to learn to de-stress, learn to love yourself and recognize that what you have to offer is good, despite what you've been made to believe.  It can be very empowering to take a leap of faith and make these choices with confidence that there is a net, however far away and invisible it may seem.  It's a most amazing experience.  Sometimes you'll be in awe at how the 'powers that be' work in your life.  Have faith, and it doesn't have to be the old-fashioned steadfast, unfaltering, non-doubting-Thomas type of faith.  We are human beings.  We are rarely steadfast.  We falter.  And I think its safe to say we're all Doubting Thomas's at some time or another in our lives.  Just know, even when you feel doubt, that you will make it through to a better life for you.

In my opinion, there is no or very little difference between family or friends.  Where the difference lies is what we allow into our lives.  As long as we are allowing peace, harmony, unity, love, acceptance, and an energy of co-operation along with a willingness to work out differences, we have all we need.  It really isn't difficult at all.  We make it difficult.  We try to fit round pegs into square holes and as a result make ourselves miserable.  Don't blame someone else for the issues that are yours.  Recognize that no one HAS to be in your life and negativity isn't something we have to or even should accept.  Take the time to consider your place in the life you live.  Where something or someone isn't working for you, open yourself up to see that they are all actually playing an unwanted role in your life.  It may be difficult to accept, but if you're faced with belittling, deceitful behaviour, whether to your face or in your absence, you can feel it and you know it's there.  Everyone deserves much better than this, and you're the one that can give that gift to yourself.  No one else can.

Start today to think about how you feel about the relationships in your life.  Focus on the positive.  Those are the ones to begin to gravitate toward. Even if it's only one person, or even just a book. Just do it.  Life is amazing when you surround yourself with positive, peace-loving people.

I believe you can pick your family...  and please DO carefully pick your friends.  Your happiness, and that of your loved ones depends on it.

May blessings of abundance in all that comes from truth, goodness, and light, find their way to you!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Making Memories

I came across a poem that I have kept over the years to remind me about what's ultimately important, and to always be self-aware.  We get so caught up in work, house work  :s  , outside obligations,  and things we 'claim' are important. Someday, you won't remember those silly things you worked yourself up about.  Tell me, what did the bathroom counter look like when you were 7 or 8 years old, 12 years old?  Were there dust bunnies under your bed?  Were the windows sparkling clean all the time? If the floors weren't washed every day/week, whatever, did you notice?  Did you notice if the house wasn't dusted and polished in every corner? And the ultimate question... Did you care??? Of course, I can't answer that for you.  I know, I would NOT remember those things. And I also know, there are those who would.

Do you remember when you were out in the back yard playing with your dad, helping with the yard work because you wanted to be with him ALL the time?  Do you remember when you just knew your mom was the most wonderful person and you wanted to be just like her? Do you remember when she had a baby brother for you and you thought 'nursing' was the most amazing and special thing, and you could hardly wait to grow up so you could do that? Do you remember when your mom let you feed the baby his bottle and you felt so grown up?  Do you remember when you had tea with your Grandmother who tried to tell you not to put sugar in it, you could get diabetes? Do you remember when your parents would dress up for halloween?  Did you go on long walks together? Wash the car together? Family get-togethers? Weeks spent at your Aunt's farm and you wished you could live there? Do you remember your Uncle taking you fishing and you caught a 12" trout and it was bigger than your cousins (and he was NOT impressed)?  And when your Uncle let you put minnows in a jar but you had to have a straw and blow air into the water so they could stay alive? When your Aunt taught you how to crochet and your Grandmother taught you how to knit? Do you remember sitting in your Grandmother's living room, with your Great Grandmother there too, and everyone was sitting in a chair, claiming a section of the blanket to quilt? Do you remember talking to your mom and knowing she actually heard you? Do you remember feeling loved? What do you remember?

My mother has always used the phrase "makin' memories".  That has stuck with me.  Fortunately my daughters love to take pictures so there are lots of memories floating around each of our Facebook pages.

I have worked very hard to be aware of my children's needs, and that is a very difficult task.  In my parenting, I've tried to incorporate what I thought worked for me as a kid, and change what didn't. Balance is the key.  But talk to them, and let them know you care, and they'll let you know how they see their life. They are filled with amazing insight.  Fill their lives with amazing'ness'!

At the beginning of everyday, and throughout each day, take a second to think about what memories you are creating for your kids or grandchildren.  You have a small window of opportunity, even though some days seem an eternity.  Keep it positive and take time to listen to them.

Here is the poem:

If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again

If I had my child to raise over again,
I'd finger-paint more and point the finger less,

I'd do less correcting and more connecting,
I'd take my eye off my watch, and watch with my eyes,

I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious and play seriously,
I'd run through more fields and gaze at more stars,

I'd do more hugging and less tugging,
I'd be firm less often, and affirm much more,

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

Diane Loomans  author             


May blessings of abundance in all that comes from truth, goodness, and light, find their way to you!





Friday, March 11, 2011

Spring is in the air... Really!


I've been wanting a garden since I bought this place 6 years ago.  The property is just under 4 acres and nowhere to have a garden. We have a pond, river and lots of cedar trees and so on, the house  is on a hill and is the highest point on the property, and the back yard doesn't get enough sun to have a veggie garden, thus my dilemma. I've been trying to come up with ideas on how we could have our own 'fresh' veggies again (my gardens used to be gigantic), and along with that... WHERE? My flower beds are also 'tomatoe', pea, and strawberry beds but really not suitable.  I want potatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, squash, carrots.. you know, the veggies that require more than just a small area in the flower bed. 

Having Fibromyalgia - did I mention that before :D - I now also have to consider if I could even get down and do much gardening.  We've discussed terraced gardening which would not only be cosmetically appealing, but it would serve a wonderful purpose ~ We'd have fresh veggies!

If it has to do with gardening, whether seeds, gardening gloves and tools, or some gadget that makes me more comfortable (fibro or not) while gardening , I'm very interested. 

Of course through my constant surfing and 'researching' I came across www.eplanters.com with a huge assortment of planters in every style, shape, and size you could imagine.
  
I liked their planter boxes to make raised beds with, and some of them are quite high, which could be very beneficial for many people with disabilities. 
I know there are those out there who have it far worse than me and are still hard core gardeners.  So anything to make life a little easier is always welcome.  

One other thing I just have to mention.  They have the cutest window boxes. Take a peek.  I've always been partial to outdoor planters like flower boxes that you see outside of windows on certain homes.  There's something about it.  It just gives you that warm, fuzzy, 'homey' feeling.  Another thing I'd like to do..... but veggies first for me!  Although with the 'dutch' heritage now part of my family, I may not get away with that!  

May blessings of abundance in all that comes from truth, goodness, and light, find their way to you!

Thursday, February 24, 2011


When life gets difficult, we tend to think that we need to batten down the hatches and work even harder, try even harder, maybe even LIVE even harder.  Think about that for a second.  If we are already feeling tapped out, or on our way to being that way, does it make sense to push even harder.  If you have a hose turned on and ready to explode, the last thing we want to do is create more pressure.  We don't even likely want to allow the pressure that is there to remain as this could be enough to eventually cause the hose to burst anyway.  So it is with ourselves.  Life, everyday, requires balance, and we need to take time to have silence (unless you have tinnitis like myself, and well, that's a whole different story!).  Meditation, whether listening to a meditation cd, sitting in silence in your yard, or even in your vehicle, or in the form of prayer, is an absolute basic need in life.  I feel that we fail horribly in teaching our children this learned skill.  We have no problem creating chaos in our lives, making things more hectic than should be even LEGAL, yet we do it.  Our children watch.  They learn.  Then they become adults and the addiction continues.  Teach your children how to have quiet time, to let everything go, to relax. But most importantly, remember to give THANKS to the powers that be, whatever that is to you. A short time spent like this each day, will do wonders in creating a more peaceful environment in our family life, working life... life in general. Even a positive comment sent someone's way, especially your child or spouse, can improve life tenfold.
Of course then there are activities that create a fun, relaxed environment.  No imagination of your own?  Well that's what the internet is for.  But, here are some extremely simple suggestions to get you started.

  1. EAT SUPPER TOGETHER as much as possible.  Be creative.  Eating at the kitchen table gets boring, although these days most families use their table as a desk, or catchall of some sort so have no opportunity to make it boring to begin with. But there are alternatives, one being - Eat outside. This is not only a nice change, but it is relaxing. (maybe pick an appropriate month tho ... )Remember - This is NOT a time to pick at any problems.  This is a time for bonding. Let your children be comfortable with you and enjoy!  Please feel free to post your ideas!
  2. HOMEWORK TIME for ME is drudgery.  I didn't like to do my own homework, now I have all of these kids with homework.. ugh!  But it's a bonding opportunity in disguise.  Sit down with your son(s)/ daughter(s) and enjoy them.  Remember - This is NOT a time to pick at any problems.  This is a time for bonding.  If your child isn't catching onto something, you can try to help but it's not a time to belittle your child or make him feel shame in any way.  This is often what happens and parents don't even realize what they are doing.
  3. PLAY VIDEO GAMES with everyone! Yes, play!  I have a lot of difficulty with this one.  I'd rather be doing...  well....  anything else.  But with my family the way it is - my oldest grown and on his own, and 4 more kids I'm in the midst of raising - I've realized I missed out on some HUGE bonding opportunities with my son.  I was so concerned about listening to all the 'adults' tell me how he played too much, don't let him play too much, that I couldn't relax enough about it.  Don't kid yourself, I played a bit, but I felt I was doing my son a disservice by letting him play, especially letting him play too much. Amongst other things, if I had played with him, I'd be able to BEAT THE PANTS off these guys now!  LOL but most importantly, I'd have wonderful memories of trying to beat King Koopa, trying to save the Princess, and so on.  Obviously, this is a fun time so it's not the time to pick at any problems.  Don't get into any kind of arguments.  Just have a blast.  Because it is a blast.

So, I could sit here all day coming up with ideas.  Add your own.  Send them to me.  Share them.  It's what life's all about.
"Peace out homie"  "Live long and prosper"  "Peace be with you"  "TTYL"  "We did it, we did it, we did it, yeah!" (Dora :) ) "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..."   :D
    May blessings of abundance in all that comes from truth, goodness, and light, find their way to you! 

    Wednesday, February 23, 2011

    Life Changes

    I have Fibromyalgia, which is something I'll likely mention again! :D If you know anything about it, you know it's not fun!  But I'll just take a small step back here...
    I used to be much more on-the-go than I am now.  I used to want to be here, there, wherever. Not anymore. I like to be home. Now, my couch sees most of the action  :D 
    We are a 'gaming' family, sort of.  They would be playing 24/7 on 'something' if I allowed it but of course, being the superb mother that I am, I don't. Needless to say, with a big screen TV, game systems, and a house full of kids, we spend a lot of time in our living room. 
    I was looking at a site called Become.com 
    Part of my blogging will involve commenting on products for advertisers, which I'm more than happy to do.  I enjoy finding out what's out there and what might be a great new idea for me (or you) to check out.
    Well this isn't exactly a new idea, but its a comfy one.  Sectional Couches.  Nothing too romantic about those two words, but read on. When my family is all in the living room, they all want to be front and center.  If I have to sit in there while they're playing their games, I'd better have a pretty good seat, and I'd better be comfy.  Having Fibro, that's a pretty tall order.  If I stay in any one position for very long, I ache.  Sometimes the pain comes on gradually, other times its sudden. Then I have to move around.  Once I finally sit down for the evening, I hate having to get up - for any reason. Well now I've come across this particular set and the name alone is enough to make me want to run out and buy it. This set has very important aspects to it that I really want:
    1. I want a leather sectional couch set
    2. I want a leather sectional couch set that has been labelled 'Catnapper Cuddler'! with lots of recliner sections built in to it.  
    Is there anything more one could possibly want or need?!  I think not!  Anyway, check it out.  I'm ready to go shopping! I'm starting my Christmas wish list now.
    Anyway, when I went to Become.com, I realized that I could re-do my entire living room from the comfort of my old, needs-to-be-replaced couch.  Candice Olson has her own furniture, lamps and rugs; and I could even wallpaper the place with their line of Zebra wallpaper!  Then, over in the business section I'll pick one of their countless lift-top coffee tables!  An absolute necessity in my world. My list just grew!! It's magic.....   ;)


    May blessings of abundance in all that comes from truth, goodness, and light, find their way to you!